I'm currently three days past IUI.
The last round was not successful. And after being so hopeful and excited by it, it was a little devastating to start all over again.
We were in London for a couple of days. I had taken my clomid with me just in case. I knew on the Sunday that I was probably going to come on. I had a bit of spotting. I was hoping it was nothing, but knew that it was coming. Then on the Monday, we're in the Science Museum, and it starts.
We were both glad of the distraction of the museum. If you have ever been to the Science Museum you will know there is an exhibit about conception and pregnancy. We sat down to watch a film about conception. For about 30 seconds. Bean said "this is a bit of a kick in the nuts!" We moved on quickly!
So day 2 I started clomid as before, for 5 days, until day 6. Booked in for a day 10 scan. It hasn't been exciting this time. I'm not hopeful at all. I just don't think it's going to work. In actual fact, I've been looking forward to getting it over and done with.
At my day 10 scan, I had one good sized follicle on the right ovary and a smaller one on the left. I don't remember the exact sizes. To be honest, I was very tearful. I was offered counselling which I have accepted. The nurse told me that my progesterone level, which was taken a week after my last IUI, showed that I definitely did ovulate. I suppose that is good. For all the use that was! Same instructions to do OPK's daily, and if I didn't ovulate by the Monday to call and arrange a scan.
I was expecting to ovulate on the Monday as this would be cycle day 15 and I ovulated on CD15 last month (IUI day). However, as is the unpredictable nature of fertility, I did not ovulate on day 15. Called the clinic, who could not get me in for a scan on the day, so arranged a scan appointment for Tuesday. That was yesterday, and I ovulated yesterday morning. Instead of going in for a scan, we went in for IUI.
Not before having a mild panic that we wouldn't be able to go in at all unless Bean could get cover and I could go in to work late. Never the less, we managed it. The clinic are much busier at the beginning of the week.
When I arrived for treatment, I had to wait 15 minutes before they called me through. I think I had to wait last time, but this time it bothered me. I was tearful again. There are lots of thank you cards and photos of babies that they have successfully helped produce and it really isn't what you want to see when you are feeling like a complete failure. I just feel like my body is not doing what it is meant to.
The same nurse performed the IUI, and she was as kind as before. She commented that 'there are some good swimmers there!' It hurt much more this time. Probably because I'm feeling low. Add in a cold and a severe flare up of my psoriasis. I already had some right ovary pain. Maybe ovulation pain? But the whole procedure hurt more. I was obviously more tense.
I just lay there thinking, this is not how I want to conceive a child. Bean wasn't even there. He wasn't there last time, but it felt worse this time. I just felt lonely.
I rested there for 20 minutes then drove to work for a late shift. Had a little cry talking to my mum about it on the phone on my break. Most of my work mates know that we are having fertility treatment. It's no secret. They are being ever so supportive and I am so grateful for this.