To say I've lost friends is a bit dramatic, and not entirely true. I'm part of a wonderful community of strong women I've found through Instagram, and after speaking to them, I realise I am one of the lucky ones. I have a lovely bunch of friends who are very sensitive to whats going on with us and have shown us nothing but support. I have received some lovely messages of encouragement since starting IVF. And in actual fact, with the IVF community on Instagram, I've made new friends.
I do feel the need to apologise though. And make my excuses.
I have neglected my friends during this process. Before IVF, it was more give and take, but now I just take. I am sorry that I don't always ask how you are or what you've been up to, I'm sorry that I don't always get back to you or think to give you a call. I'm sorry that I don't come out to play.
You see this thing is really quite hard. It is all consuming. I try very hard not to let it, but the side effects of the hormones make it extra difficult. They are a constant reminder of what I am doing to myself. Extreme tiredness means I'm doing very little outside of work. I have a headache most of the time, the hot flushes and sweating aren't pretty, I'm bloated and spotty and moody and emotional. And today I have blurred vision in my left eye!
I am thinking mostly about me. I am sleeping an awful lot, resting when I'm not working, and generally not doing very much else. I know you will agree that this is the best thing for me because I know you will want me to give this my best shot.
The next couple of weeks will be even more scheduled as I will hopefully be starting stimulation tonight. This means regular scans and blood tests to check progress. My life literally revolves around IVF at the moment. I keep telling myself that it is only temporary and that it will hopefully be worth it in the end. I like to think my friends do too.