Tuesday, 3 May 2016

On to the next thing

IVF is more difficult than you think, and it doesn't always work.

After 5 weeks of different drugs and 2 weeks recovery, I started my period before official test day.  I spent the whole day mostly crying and moping around.

On the Friday, I dutifully took my urine sample to the clinic, handing it over at reception (the receptionist said I give her the BEST gifts) and waited for my blood test.  When the specialist nurse called me in she was surprised to see me on my own.

She told me that the urine test was negative.  I told her that I started my period the day before.  I have to admit to being a little relieved to have found out naturally.  It would have been really shit to go to the clinic, totally unaware of what wasn't happening and be told that it was negative.

She arranged our follow up appointment (in June) we discussed a couple of things, and then I went on my way.

To say we are bummed out would be an understatement.  I'm sure I haven't finishing crying over that little embryo that didn't implant for some reason and stopped growing.  I look at the photo of it occasionally, grieving for something I never really had.

We are both angry that we could do so much to get so little.

We have decided to have a break.  We will go to follow up in June, ask the unanswerable questions, start work up for frozen embryo transfer and then wait until we are both ready.

My psoriasis is worse than ever so I really have to have the light therapy that I put off for IVF. We are also away in August and I don't want to be doing down regulation whilst on holiday, not after how it affected me the first time.

We have 4 little frosties.  At some point this year we will go back to have a snow baby or two transferred.  Maybe I'm destined to have twins.....